I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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