I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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