May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
