I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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