Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
