Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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