I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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