You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
