It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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