Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
