Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
