My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
