My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
