You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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