her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
