So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
