We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
