sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
