you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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