you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
