alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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