Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
