I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
