The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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