I murdered the dance floor call the cops
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
