I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
