I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
