I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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