Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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