dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
