Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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