I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
