I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
