take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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