So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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