just come out here and I will go home with you...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Come on in and take your pants off
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