Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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