If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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