Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
