You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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