Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
