the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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