you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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