Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
