she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
