I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
