it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm like, not good at living.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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