Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
