You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize