Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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