this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
