I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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