What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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