rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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