I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
