3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
