look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
