don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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